Style Conversational Week 1302: GHI — Going Half Ink It’s not you, it’s not me, it’s the contest. Some just don’t pan out. ’Sokay. Sen. Lindsey Graham’s hearing room tirade attacking those who would question the past of Judge Brett Kavanaugh inspired Frank Osen’s “Graham Hysteria Index.” (Pool photo by Tom Williams/CQ Roll Call) Sen. Lindsey Graham’s hearing room tirade attacking those who would question the past of Judge Brett Kavanaugh inspired Frank Osen’s “Graham Hysteria Index.” (Pool photo by Tom Williams/CQ Roll Call) By Pat Myers close Image without a caption Pat Myers Editor and judge of The Style Invitational since December 2003 Email Email Bio Bio Follow Follow Oct. 18, 2018 at 2:48 p.m. EDT Yeah, we’ve been through a week that’sdone its best , and then some, to keep us from laughing. But Lord knows that we’re able to do it anyway. Heck, we ran a contest — and no doubt the Czar judged one — the week of 9/11 . Nah, the contest just didn’t pan out. No biggie. We got a million of ’em. To be honest, the two predecessors of Week 1298 — names of things, or other phrases, that could be abbreviated ABC, CBA, etc ., or DEF, etc. — won’t go down as Style Invitational classics either, though both Weeks 1179 and 1238 had some perfectly zingy entries. And this week I’m happy with all 15 entries that I ran in this week’s results for GHI and its permutations On top of that, I had a chance to share nine more “typo” headlines from Week 1297, and even a couple of new-word poems from Week 1296. It’s just the 13th blot of ink for Kevin Mettinger of semirural Warrenton, Va., but it’s his second Invite win. And his first — from way back in the Empress’s first year, 2004 — was a classic: Week 551 asked readers to feed some passage into Google’s translation tool (then in its clunky toddlerdom), translate it into another language, then translate that result back into English. Kevin must have figured out that Le Google had trouble with French words that take opposite meanings, like /jamais. / The top of the 36-item list of Ask Backwards contests, from the Losers' own website (Screen image from NRARS.org) The top of the 36-item list of Ask Backwards contests, from the Losers' own website (Screen image from NRARS.org) And so, thinking of the still-raw 2000 election, Kevin fed the translator “George W. Bush is the best president ever elected,” asked for French, and got /George W. Bush est le meilleur président jamais élu/. Which then — but not now! — translated back as “George W. Bush is the best president never elected.” This week’s second-place winner, Ed Gordon, reports that he’ll be visiting the D.C. area from Austin over Christmas week, as he did last year. Last December we got together for a fun Loser Brunch at a chili place in Alexandria; maybe we can do that again. *What Doug Doug: * The faves this week of Ace Copy Editor Doug Norwood were Jeff Shirley’s IHG: Intestinal Hijinx Group (“Don’t Talk About Fart Club”); IGH: Instant Growth Hormone as a code name for Viagra, sent by both Jeff Contompasis and Warren Tanabe; IGI: International Gathering of Introverts (“Sparsely Attended Since 1962”) by Diane Lucitt. *ATTENTION NON-HOARDER RECIDIVIST LOSERS!* Has your unfortunate addiction to The Style Invitational resulted in so many fabulous prizes at your domicile that your domicile-mate has suggested that you skip this winter’s delivery of firewood and intstead . . . Listen, I’m delighted to send you every Lose Cannon or second-place gag prize or mug or bag or magnet you win. But I’m at least equally delighted not to. Several of the Losers have asked me to stop sending any more items that they’ve already won; some have asked only for the prize letter; some have asked me to send them the letter by email. At least one has asked for Utterly Nada. If you’re getting prizes you don’t really want — or you’re not opening the snail mail letter — please let me know and I promise that I won’t fix your problem merely by not giving you any more ink. If you indulge me this week with a request that I seem to have forgotten, this time I promise to actually write it down. Meanwhile, I have just a couple more “I Got a B in Punmanship” Grossery Bags for third- and fourth-place winners. After that, we’ll be getting an encore run of Bob Staake’s“Whole Fools” parody logo, on a natural-color cotton bag whose handles are part of the bag, rather than being attached. If you have a big pile of Invite swag that you haven’t torched yet, feel free to regift it to me. I’m especially eager for vintage prizes that I could give to Latter-Day Losers who never had the chance to win, say, a Loser T-shirt. Old magnets, bring ’em on. Right now I have very few early-years prizes left, now that I’ve given out almost all the bagfuls of Elden Carnahan’s decluttering, not to mention all six of Christopher Lamora’s Inkers. If you’re in the D.C. area, I should be able to come and fetch them from you, or preferably take them off your hands at a Loser Brunch or other event. If you want to send a few old magnets to me, my home address is the best destination; email me and I’ll give it to you. *ASK ME ANYTHING (FUNNY & CLEVER): THE WEEK 1302 CONTEST * The title ofthis week’s contest, “Ask Backwards 37,” sounds more definitive than it is. I used it because I used”Ask Backwards 36” last October, and I got that by counting down the “JEO” (for “Jeopardy”) chart in Elden’s Loser Stats, and I don’t think anyone pointed out some very similar contest that we did that had a different headline and didn’t make it on the chart — so 37 it is. If Ask Backwards is new to you, take a few minutes to check out a few of the previous At Least 36 contests. The best way — which isn’t affected by The Post’s paywall for nonsubscribers — is to go to Elden’s Master Contest List, on NRARS.org, the Losers’ own website, and search on “backward.” Then scroll four weeks down to see the results of that contest. In recent years, I’ve been using categories that function as miniature Invitational contests — ones that might bring a half-dozen great answers, but not three dozen. “This week’s least-watched podcast” and “Grace at the Trumps’ Thanksgiving dinner” are examples this week, although I can also envision some other creative interpretations as questions for these “answers.” Remember that I’ll be running the answer first, followed by the question, so make sure your joke works in that order. *THE GREAT BRUNCH REMAINING BEFORE US: GETTYSBURG, THIS SUNDAY * I’m going to be taking a 20-mile walk in the D.C. area this Sunday, so I can’t go, but I heartily recommend the annual Loser Brunch and Battlefield Tour in Gettysburg, Pa., with the tour led by Loser and G’burgian Roger Dalrymple. The weather is supposed to be perfect. and it’s not too late to join the Onion Army. Details and RSVP here .